On Monday, we began training Kigali community security leaders on leadership, conflict resolution, self-awareness, gaining trust in their community, and spiritual topics. The training was coordinated through African Leadership and Reconciliation Ministries (ALARM), a very well respected nonprofit with offices across Africa. We would train through a set of interpreters.

There were 67 men and women who were mid-level management in the Gusavo District of Kigali. Their job is to patrol their villages and respond to any problems that occur. But they do not carry weapons. They carry radios as they walk the streets. They deal with a broad spectrum of issues, from settling business disputes to investigating murder and rape.

Our first surprise came in how the group starts the day. At the call of their leader, an affable man named Raymond, they began a song and dance. One person in the group would lead the song, chanting some verse, and then the rest of the group would chime in with harmonious response. All swayed back and forth and clapped, and certain of them took a bit more liberty in their dance moves. They showed no shame in this, as you would expect from an American group. Only joy and fellowship.

My part of the morning was an inspirational session for me. I asked the group to name the leaders that they looked up to. I gave them a leader I admired: Gandhi. They named Jesus, Rwandan President Paul Kagame, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., and several African leaders who have pushed for peace and democracy.

Then I asked them why? Why do you love these people as leaders?

They took this question very seriously. And this was an important moment for me personally, because I believe that certain leadership traits are effective in virtually all cultures across the world. For an excruciating moment I didn’t know if anyone would answer, and then hands shot up all over the place. I was surprised again by how passionately they spoke.

They stood and spoke formally and passionately. They were each soft-spoken, thoughtful, and well-spoken. They are serious about their craft, with that seriousness reflected in their default facial expressions, but they are very quick to smile or erupt in group laughter.

They named these as the characteristics they admired in the leaders they named:

·      Humility

·      Empowering those around them

·      Courage

·      Sacrifice

·      Their willingness to teach

·      Brought people together instead of tearing them apart

·      They listen to their people; they listen more than they speak

I couldn’t agree more. When we left at the end of the day, I found myself already looking forward to the next day.

Sunday was a day of great contrast. Our first visit was to a Rwandan Methodist church in Kigali. We then spent the afternoon at the genocide museum. We first saw a joyful, animated people whose center of gravity is God and community, each other. Children ran about during the four-hour service, and it was hard to tell which children belonged to which parents. Everywhere the children turned, they found a hug or a smile. Hours later we saw the horrors of the genocide at the museum. Horrors that included the brutal, unthinkable murder of children by club, fire and machete.

But to understand what happened in 1994, you must first understand the background. From the late 19th to early 20th century, first the Germans and then the Belgians occupied Rwanda. During their colonization, they planted the seeds of prejudice that would later blossom into acts of hatred. In 1932, the Belgians separated the country of Rwanda into classes based on their physical appearance and relative wealth. Not on their religion, or by geography, or by political class, but by appearance and wealth.

After this imposed identity, neighbors who one day saw neighbors, the next day had an ID card officially proclaiming that their neighbors were no longer just their neighbors, but now Hutu or Tutsi. Then the classes were pitted against one another in the distribution of power. Thus began the all-too-familiar “them versus us” mentality that has torn nations apart for millennia.

The first ethnic cleansing of the Tutsi by the Hutu began in 1959. Tutsi were murdered and exiled to neighboring countries. In 1990, Rwanda fell into a civil war, and the murder of Tutsi continued. In 1994, extremist Hutu in positions of power throughout the country orchestrated the eradication of “Tutsi cockroaches.” The genocide began.

Extremist Hutu targeted all Tutsi and moderate Hutu. Neighbors awoke to neighbors slaughtering neighbors in the streets. Women were raped. Children were tortured and killed. Infants were swung by their feet to have their heads dashed against the wall. People sought refuge in church, only to be locked inside and burned alive.

Approximately one million people were killed over the course of a few months. One million people in three months. Twelve people per second.

Now, the people of Rwanda seek peace and reconciliation behind the leadership of President Paul Kigame. Hutu and Tutsi live and work together as they did before the genocide, and they no longer refer to themselves as Hutu and Tutsi, but Rwandans.

It is hard for me to reconcile what these people did to each other twenty years ago, with what I have witnessed. As with most pluralistic cultures, they put community ahead of self. They are more open with their affection toward one another than we are in America. They hold their handshakes longer, touch and hug, smile and laugh. They treat each other with tenderness.

A great first day, and a sad first day.

Below is a picture of mass graves that have been memorialized at the Kigali Genocide Museum.

A couple of years ago, I was driving down the highway in Dallas and saw a billboard. No billboard has materially impacted my life before. That one did.

A few weeks prior to that I spent time with my sister at my parents' house. She had recently enrolled in a master's program, and I was a bit jealous. We're Chickasaw Indian (the other side of the family were accomplished bootleggers), and the Chickasaw Nation was funding a huge chunk of her degree. I started researching Master's programs that weekend. 

The obvious choice was a Master's in Business Administration (MBA), but everyone has an MBA in my world, and the curriculum looked boring. If I was going to spend hours away from my family, I wanted to do something different that excited me, with courses that I would love. 

A few nights prior to seeing the billboard I had drinks with a friend who is an accomplished private equity investor. He teaches entrepreneurial classes at Georgetown and recently started his own private equity fund. His Georgetown students often ask him what they really need to know to do great in business. His response? Psychology. "To differentiate yourself," he told them, "learn about people. Learn how they think. Learn how to predict their behavior. That will make you rich. MBAs are a dime a dozen."

The billboard I saw was an advertisement for a Southern Methodist University master's program in dispute resolution and conflict management. I had no idea what that meant, but I was intrigued. I got home and looked it up. The courses covered topics like neuroscience in conflict, the psychology of conflict, negotiation, advanced negotiation, decision theory, communication and a dozen other topics I knew I'd love. I wanted in. A few months and a few stacks of paperwork later, I was admitted, and the VA and the Chickasaw Nation were gonna chip in. Giddyup.

Through that program, I'm now going to Rwanda and Kenya to teach leadership and conflict management. There are seven of us going (pictured above, from left to right):

• Joey Cope is Executive Director of the Conflict Resolution Program at Abilene Christian University. Joey may be one of the most likable humans I've met. He is humble, wise, kind, and soft spoken. He observes more than he engages. He's the father of the group. He's sort of a cross between Jesus and Gandhi.
• Robyn Short is a multi-faceted person. She is an author, publisher and independent filmmaker. Robyn believes that every person's actions are either an act of love or a cry for love. She just completed her master's at SMU.
• Malcolm McGuire is a police officer and Air Force reservist. He has a dry, witty sense of humor, and he's quick to crack a joke. He's a family man and exudes trustworthiness.
• Betty Gilmore is a clinical psychologist and Director of the Dispute Resolution Master's Program at SMU. She's the leader of the group. Betty has a huge, kind heart. She has children and a pet turtle.
• Me
• Dan and Allison Russell are married. Dan is a police officer in Dallas. He's built like the Incredible Hulk, and he is very well read and articulate. Loves the military. He's intense about his work, and despite his warrior ethos, he's a big teddy bear on the inside. 
• His wife Allison will fool you. She's quiet and soft spoken and instantly likable. But she's also been on a ton of adventures through Outward Bound, and she is a Gold Award recipient of the Girl Scouts (equivalent of an Eagle Scout).

We leave tomorrow through Amsterdam to Kigali, Rwanda. After a week there, on to Nairobi, Kenya.

Off we go.